The Blessings

I met with a group of women today and we thought about the blessings that we have been given. As we began to list them it was quite obvious that our blessings are relationships we have or maybe even the second chances we have at those relationships. No one listed their house, car, groceries, or anything that would be considered an asset by society's standard. Boy, what an eye opener!

How many of us make our goal each day to gather as much stuff as possible? We know that our relationships are important and even tell ourselves that we are amassing things for the ones we love, but, OUR LOVED ONES WANT US NOT OUR STUFF!

We must stay focused on our relationships. At the end of the day what will really matter to each of us are our relationships. Period.

Here is the question of the day: Have I done all I can to be the best mom, wife, friend, daughter, (you fill in the blank) possible?

The Neverending Story

I find it quite interesting that even after 24 years of marriage Husband and I must still make a concerted effort to communicate. How can it be that conversation can be so illusive? You would think that after sharing our lives together and that of our children for so many years that talking about each day's events and how we feel would be a natural part of our day. But, NOOOO!!!! We must, each day, consciously set aside time to do that very thing, share our souls. What I have found over the last few days is that we are not the only couple that struggles in this area. In fact, there are several couples who have been married for fifteen years or more, that have the same challenge, communication. Well, twelve of us women who desire more than mediocre marriages, have joined forces and over the next six months, will read, discuss, and encourage one another about communication in our marriages.

Personally, I am really excited about this development among my friends. Some who will be in the group are simply acquaintances who need a support group to hold them accountable to trying to have a better marriage. Could this be an underground movement to reinforce family life in our community? Could having better marriages actually make a difference in our neighborhoods? Oh, yes, and even more. When we model healthy marriages that are built on good communication our children and even the kids that simply visit our homes will follow our examples and, yes, even desire strong, sound relationships themselves.

There you go! Two fabulous reasons for putting forth some effort to have good communication with Husband. #1 It's more fun for me to like Husband than to have quiet discord. #2 Everyone around me has more fun (even if they don't know that it is communication that makes life better).

My commitment: Concentrated time (20 minutes or more) to share myself with Husband.

Traveling with Women

I admit it, I stole the title. Our "official" journalist for the trip is going to use this title for our trip journal and it was just too good for me not use. Traveling with women is an event no woman should miss. We went to shop at an annual flea market in Virginia, but, what occured was much more than shopping. We laughed until our sides ached, we cried in reverent pain with each other, we shared our very souls with one other, and trusted that it would be held in high esteem and honored. What I expected was what I was given. A relationship with each woman that will always be special.

These friendships will always be extraordinary because we devoted four days to building this connection. We will always have the memories of a shared view of the Milky Way, a walk through a covered bridge, the thought of "kicking up diamonds", and a hug from Aunt and Uncle at the Old Cox Barn.

We have one thing in common that unifies us from which our bond is founded and it cannot be forged...Christ. He forgave us, saved us, and is the process of transforming us and that is the journey that we share and of which we shall never tire, the magnificent renovating power we see in each other as Christ reveals Himself in our lives. AMEN!!

Walking

I walk for exercise with my sister in law. Our schedule was 4 miles every Monday through Thursday. We have just changed that schedule to 5 miles Mondays and Wednesdays and 2 miles on Fridays. We are devoted to being there, on time, ready to go. If she wasn't there I wouldn't go. Even though I love the effect the exercise has, leaner legs, higher metabolism, and an overall sense of health, I am there for the relationship we have. I love our talks. Some days we talk very little, and even that is comfortable. Some days we don't have enough time to share all that has built up from the day before. I think what makes it so good is that we are very similar. We have comparable goals and similar interests. We rejoice in one another's successes and cry with each other in pain and hardship. Her fun is my fun, even if we aren't together. I desire her very best, with or without me. I know that is true for her, too. That is what makes a good friendship. Not what we do together, but that our joy is for the other to succeed at whatever God has given them to do.

Thank you, sister, for being faithful, not just to walk with me but by being a good friend. (5 miles wasn't so hard!)

Silence is Golden

Silence. It's been a while since I have posted anything. I think there may be a couple of reasons for the silence.

First, sometimes I talk too much. So, in response to too much chatter, it is good for me to go on a fast of words, even to myself, which is essentially what this blog is, an exercise in personal expression.

Second, I really needed the time to take a break and not take myself too seriously. Could I really offer any insight that might shed light on this world? I have such a limited view of the events that surround me. "Lightbulb"!! Things that I experience and every little occurance in my world are not necessarily about me!

Silence is Golden? Another way to say it is, "experiencing life to the fullest with open ears and a teachable heart is worth a fortune!" Give me less of me and more of the valuable stuff, wisdom (ie Christ).

Unity

Unity. Merriam Webster defines unity as "continuity without deviation or change (as in purpose or action)". I propose that most of us characterize unity as an exercise in self control. These I fear, are two completely separate and incompatable definitions.

The selfish definition that I have suggested is the simpler of the two for a limited time. Self control, simply for the sake of restraint, will soon give way to broader emotions of desire to manage our circumstances. When these emotions are bared, there is anything but "continuity without deviation". As these passions for power are unleashed, what becomes evident is that what we wish we would have done was to opt for the more difficult task in discussing, with others and within ourselves, that which we were choosing to be unified. Simply stated, the group must put forth a vision and each individual must decide whether they can put aside selfish ambition to function in the group. Only then is there one purpose for which to live. Easier said than done.

Webster's explanation of unity requires self examination and exorcism of anything within ourselves that is contrary to the final goal or purpose to which a group has committed itself. Obviously, self control becomes a part of this process, but, is only beneficial when we have loyalty to the objective put forth among the members.

I have chosen to be a part of a group of devoted people who think they have a common goal, glorifying our Heavenly Father. I believe that truly is the desire of our group, however, sometimes we appear to be sidetracked. Let us consider what best exemplifies our purpose, decide whether or not that is what we believe, then act in that manner. Enough said.

What am I doing?

O.K., I know I have probably shared this before, but some days I cannot decide what my purpose is here. I have a very full life, ministry at my local church (to kids and women), a real estate job, caring for my husband and children, taking care of our household (I don't have a housekeeper), maintaining friendships, excersising 4 days a week (at 46 you have to or everything goes south!), and trying to remain flexible so that when things pop up I am available. I enjoy each of these segments of my life immensly. However, it does get tedious when it appears that my efforts are discouraged by others, or that I am having no tangible effect. The area in which I am discouraged today, and realistically for at least the past year, is in ministry.

When I accepted the position at our church to head up the women's and children's ministries it was because there was need and I felt a calling. After almost 3 years I am grateful for the challenge, the character it has built in me, and the memories, but, I see no change in the ministries in general, nor the people. I cannot call myself a failure because I feel I did my best and was faithful to do what I was called to do. But, maybe it is time for someone else to affect change in these areas. I cannot let my pride keep me in a position in which I should not continue. Maybe my ministry is something different than administration, maybe I should jump off into a new arena where I will really be stretched.

Timing is everything. Is now the time? Maybe.

Changes

Why is it that change is so difficult? Shouldn't it be exciting and fun? What makes so many people stuck in their ways? Personally, I love change. Probably, some might say, waaay to much. I look forward to the adventure and thrill of something new. It could be as simple as painting a room that brings me pleasure. Or even just moving the furniture around the house. The change that is soon to come will be huge, and I relish the thought. Our local church is about to explode with spiritual as well as numerical growth and it will be wonderful. With pleasure, I anticipate learning from new people, stretching in my worship experience, knowing more of God.

OK you people who are thinking of digging in your heels and resisting change, let me encourage you with a few simple words. No one is ever stagnate in their relationship with the LORD. You already ARE changing daily. You must simply choose whether to move forward or be dragged away by the tide of comfortable complacency.

I choose forward change. YIPPEE!!!

Words and Freedom

This past weekend we celebrated our liberty. As I contemplate this notion of liberty I find that it is quite an enigma. What I encountered this weekend, within myself, caused me to be perplexed as I considered the freedoms I enjoy.

I am free to work at any occupation at which I choose to be trained. I am free to serve any god, the Living God, or man made. I am free speak my mind and expound upon any subject I should choose, even if it is injurious in nature. That is where I cannot continue in my thoughts. You see, I found myself imprisoned by my own words this weekend. I freely used my words to express annoyance. Then, as I felt so free to announce my frustration in one area, I took the liberty to continue to articulate further my impatience with others as they failed to meet my expectations. My free use of words resulted in a sense of misery as I continued to talk too much about subjects that were none of my business.

Why, oh why, can I not exclusively use my words to encourage. Even if correction is necessary, the words used in that pursuit can be and should be encouraging and instill hope for a future, rather than discouraging words that inject disdain and discord.

Today I will measure my words, consider the cost, then I will endeavor to speak freely about hope to a world that desperately needs it.

Kidnapped!

How wonderful to have friends that know you well enough to sense what you really need. I desperately needed to be kidnapped, and they delivered. Don't get me wrong, I have an idyllic life, but I needed to be special in someone's eyes on this very weekend. What really made it extraordinary was that the kidnappers were exactly the people I would choose to spend a weekend with (besides Husband)! Everything we did from talking to laughing, crying (which is exactly what I did when they showed up at my door) to eating made this an occasion I will always remember. Even Husband knew that a few days away would do me well.

Thank you Sister.
Thank you Friends.
Thank you Husband.

I love you.

Garage Sales

One of my favorite things to do is to shop at garage sales and flea markets. I don't know why. All I know is that when I find something I like and the price is outrageously low I feel as if I have discovered a treasure. I don't even mind if I must clean it up a little. Somehow, the search is as much fun as the discovery. I really enjoy taking something old, refurbishing it, and using it in my home as something new. Giving it new life, if you will.

This past weekend Sister and I had a garage sale. We rooted out from our homes all our unwanted clothes, dishes, lamps, and, in general, junk. We sold it as fast as we could put it out. Most items were 50 cents. Sometimes if it was really valuable we priced it at $1. We didn't worry about how much money we were going to make, we just wanted it gone. And go it did. AND we still made more money than we expected. How does all that stuff add up to that much money? Well, I guess we had a great deal of junk in our homes.

What do garage sales say about me and our society? Well, in general, we simply have too much. If Sister and I had so many50 cent items that added up to several hundred dollars, well, that is just too much stuff. I could still go through my home and have another garage sale with items that are rarely used, but I didn't want to part with "just yet". But, on the other hand, many of my items are those I have purchased at garage sales, flea markets, or are hand me downs. Recycling is good. I guess the only thing that might make having this much stuff wrong would be holding my "things" in higher esteem than the people around me. I would gladly give up anything I have for anyone. Maybe, I'll have another garage sale next week.

Vacation, the Bible, and School

Vacations! Ahh, they are the ultimate in taking a break for me. The very reason I don't like to camp. If I am going on vacation I want a break from normal life. Cooking, cleaning, getting up early, laundry. I love vacations. The most memorable vacations we have had were not necessarily the most exotic, but we were together with people we loved and spent a great deal of time experiencing out of the ordinary things. The first vacations I am reminded of are Maine (every day's plan backfired, even whale watching in prime whale watching season), and a 2 week road trip to the north east with a 2 and 3 year old (yes, we were potty training at the time).

The Bible!! My favorite literature. Profound Truth and the mystery of the universe simply waiting to be unveiled to the hungry reader. I am hungry, I do believe, I am changed every time I read it with a heart ready to listen.

School. Hmm. School is somewhat of an enigma for me now and even as a child. I have always looked forward to it, tire of the rigor of work, yet love the result of studying a subject and learning from a good teacher.

Why put these three things together? Because together, these three things, can change the lives of the children in our neighborhoods, for eternity. Special, intense time doing special things about the Bible with people who teach what they know about God, the Redeemer. Wow! I am glad I am a part of Vacation Bible School this week.

Summer Days

Summer is here. The kids have been to camp for a week, which means that Husband and I were alone at home for a full 6 days. How weird was that!! Husband still went to work that week, but when he came home in the evenings we were free to eat when and what we desired. We watched anything we chose without interruption. We had complete conversations without anyone barging in. We actually did nothing exceptional that week, we simply enjoyed ordinary life without children.

Oh, did I mention that we had 22 and 21 and their spouses over for dinner one evening? Did I tell you that we spoke on the phone to 16 and 14 on a couple of different occasions about their days at camp? Did I remember to say that 21 and I spent an entire day visiting relatives and shopping? Did I state that I spent many hours while husband was at work painting, sewing, and redecorating 16 and 14's rooms? So actually, our whole week was spent without them physically, but, our lives still revolve around the children.

I think that when they are all moved out of this home in which they have been raised, Husband and I will definitely have more time to pursue our own interests. However, our lives will always revolve around our children and our children's children. We will respond at a moments notice when they need us or just simply want us. We want to be intimately involved in our children's lives so as to leave them a part of us. You know, a heritage.

For me that is what makes life worth living: relationships. Relationships with those that know me inside and out.

An Anniversary

24 years. 24 years. 24 years. That is a long time, but, then again, only a moment seems to have passed. We have been married 24 years. One short of "silver". Husband is travelling again this week, so in preparation of the big day on Monday, I thought I would do some research and plan something special for us to experience in celebration of a 24 year marriage. The number itself reminds me of the passing of one day, 24 hours, so, I think I will capitalize on that notion. Maybe I'll prepare a heartfelt poem for husband to read each of the 24 hours of the day. Each will represent each year of our marriage and remind him of our married history. Or, how about 24 notes he will find that has an intimate thought or question we could discuss each of the hours of our "special" day. We will just talk and talk and talk and talk. Maybe I should carefully place 24 pictures throughout the house so he will find each of them as he progresses through his day and it will cause him to be sentimental, and then we can talk about those memories of which our years together consist. Or we could do 24 little tasks together around the house and then our abode would really be snazzy.

How about I hug him, tell him I'm glad we are still together, physically and emotionally, and simply enjoy an ordinary day with an extraordinary man.

The Wedding Day

It's midnight on the morning of 21's wedding. We have had a successful day of taking care of the details that make a wedding. I've packed the car with candles, candy, flowers, and chandeliers at home. I've unpacked the car of candles, candy, flowers, and chandeliers at the church. We rehearsed, we ate, we laughed, we talked. We are ready.

Later we will be coifed, dressed, made up, and photographed. Then 21 will walk down the aisle on her father's arm. What a picture. 21 will be in white, husband in black tie. 16, and 14 will be gorgeous in satin evening gowns. I will be dazzled. 21's husband-to-be will be waiting to take her to a home he has prepared to protect and love her for eternity.

I love the wedding ceremony. It is intended to remind us of another bride, husband, and father. The bride in white: the church, holy and blameless. The husband: Christ, loving protector of the church, preparing a home for His bride. The Father: God, who made a way for Christ and the church to be intimate with one another.

I can't wait for Christ to come back and take me home! Are you ready for The Wedding?

The Day Before the Day Before

Wow!! What was that? Yesterday was difficult for me and I decided just to go with the flow, literally. All I know is that when I dressed in the morning I was sniffling, when I cleaned the kitchen after lunch (and boy, is it shiny now!) I was silently crying, when I walked through the family room in the early afternoon I was all out sobbing, and any time I spoke with anyone I usually teared up and had a shaky voice when we spoke of the wedding preparations. "What's wrong, what can I do?" everyone asked. Nothing is wrong, nothing you can do. I knew this day would come, but still, I was not prepared for it. In the following hours I was a little more in control of my out of control emotions, but I felt as if I had been in a marathon (o.k., for me it would be a 5K race) and had no strength left. Maybe that is just where I should be, because thankfully, "when I am weak, He is strong." AAHH, that is good.

Staying Focused

77 hours until the wedding. 75 hours until we need to be at the church for photos. 54 hours until rehearsal. 52 hours until we decorate for the reception. 29 hours until we pick up Husband's tux. Those hours will pass and I can stay focused and use them to achieve good things or I can waste them doing trivial activities which I will regret in days to come. I am resolved to stay focused. I refuse to get caught up in an emotional roller coaster with some of our friends and family who cannot make a potentially stressful week easy . I refuse to get annoyed with dishes in the sink, I will not second guess the wedding guest list, the reception menu, or what candles I should have bought. For the next 77 hours I will relish doing laundry for 21, help her at a moments notice try on her dress and veil, pack a box with toiletries to move to her new home, run to the store to buy a hook for her new closet. I will stay focused on 21. Finally, 21, this week you are the queen, and you are royal.

16 and 14, don't worry, we will have fun days in the summer to come. You and I will have our special moments, too, but 21 is my focus this week. Don't besmirch her, don't be envious, just honor her with your kindness and prayers.

Special Days

Some days are just going to be special. Today is one of those days for me. No, it's not my birthday. Not my anniversary. I am not receiving any special award. No, today probably isn't significant in anybody else's book except mine. Today I get to spend the entire day with 21. We are going to do ordinary things like laundry, cleaning toilets, eating lunch, vacuuming. I can't wait! These are the activities that make memories and I will hold this week's memories very near to my heart. We have 5 days until the wedding!

My single goal for this week is to honor my daughter in our time together and, in return, give her the opportunity to leave my home with honor, dignity, and the ability to create a home full of honor. That is my single desire for her; that the people in her family will treat each other with dignity and honor, even in the midst of incredibly difficult circumstances. The only way for her and her family to do this practically impossible act is to allow God, who held us in an honorable place when we deserved judgement, to practice honor through them. After all, isn't that our purpose here while we visit on this planet, to act like Jesus so others can see what He has done for them?

Sentimentality

I don't usually consider myself sentimental, yet, there are a few times in my life when sentimentality has reared it's head, and it isn't so bad. I pride myself in the fact that I look to the future, make plans, am quite prepared for what is to come, and am optimistic, too. I love to look at a challenge and seek out a creative way to accomplish it. However, looking back can be theraputic if not healthy. This week is one of those weeks. My daughter is getting married next week. Wow, how can that be? It seems she just learned to ride her bike yesterday. I have planned the wedding (staying within the budget I might add), cleaned the house for guests, attended showers with precious gifts in hand, visited with her new mother-in-law, and even had some time for working and making a dollar here and there. Today seems be the day I put away the rote behavior of taking care of wedding business and emotionally prepare to give my daughter to her new husband. Tears well up in my eyes as I type those words. What is it that causes tears at weddings? It is time for her to marry. She wants it and, I think, may actually need it. I want it for her (although her dad could not say that yet). Her home is being prepared and will be a wonderful first home. Financially, they are ready. Why tears?

I have tears because it is a rite of passage. Tears because the memories are bittersweet. We have 21 years of history. Most of the memories are precious to me and I linger in their presence. I remember holding her for the very first time like it was yesterday, 5 lbs 0 ounces. Brushing her curly hair and giving her pig tails. Taking her to kindergarten. Picking her up from the end of year 6th grade party and she cried so hard she could hardly breathe because she knew life would never be the same after elementary school. Then there are the bitter memories that I hold dear because we both grew to maturity in them, but they are painful to recall. Those I will not share with you, they are too personal. But, they were neccessary for our growth. I made a lot of mistakes, so did she. However, the fabulous thing about knowing God as your Saviour is that He can redeem those times and make something grand from them.

A Week's Worth

I have a week's worth of thoughts and I can't wait to put them down. I had to wait a while to record them because I felt a little too vulnerable and emotional to sift through them until now. I am processing the whole "who am I and why am I here" question. It's really not as deep as it sounds because I really know the answer to the deep part of that theological question, it's how it plays out in my day to day life that sometimes stumps me. I am a doer. And doers get overcommitted. And when we try to be selective about what we choose to be involved in or maybe even quit (which is really difficult to do because doers are not quitters), other people are really hard on us. Doers have given other people expectations that we will always take care of everything, "Don't worry, I'll do it." And when we decide someone else should do it, sometimes others like to shame us into action. Well, I have decided I am not going to play. I will do everything God has called me to do, and I will do my very best. Everything else I am leaving to other people that God has called to action. I am not in charge of everything, (even though sometimes I would like to be). But I am in charge of me. I will be faithful. Period. I am ready to answer to the Living God about my involvement. Period.

Some Days Stink

Some days just stink and this has been one of those days. It's difficult to even put into words how frustrated I am with everthing and everyone. So, you may be thinking to yourself, "Are you sure it isn't you?" I don't think it is, but, I am willing to concede that all my gripes are not about today. I have conveniently dredged up every time I feel I was slighted in the past 24 years. Let me tell you, that makes a pretty long list. The first rule of thumb about fighting fair with anyone is DONT BRING UP THE PAST. I want to fight fair, but I am having a hard time keeping myself in the present. The confrontation is due to begin soon. Will I do the right thing and hold my tongue so I can be a good listener? Surely, please tell me, surely there is an explanation that will soothe my broken spirit. I want reconciliation with all, what must I do to be saved from this mire?

Listen, forgive, and love.

I Don't Get It!!

I love that 16 has a driver's license. I enjoy seeing 16 experience a degree of freedom which signifies coming of age and maturing into an adult. That is my job. Growing my children and moving them to independence. We have a few simple rules that accompany a new driver's license. The most important is that permission is required for a few months before you can drive anywhere. In very few instances permission would be witheld. In the beginning it is a requirement, but what develops is the courtesy to let the parents know where you are. Well, two days after 16 had the license 16 broke the rule. The car was put in the garage for 3 days. Now, here we are again, just 2 days later, and the rule has been broken yet again. 16 didn't even go somewhere that was wrong. 16 would not have been denied to take the car, yet 16 did not follow the simple rule. I don't get it!!! Why? Is this a test? Will parents really do what we say? I assure you we will. The consequences were extremely clear. "If you don't follow the rule, the car will be parked." Will someone please help me understand why this is such an issue with 16, PLEASE!!!?

By the way, with 22 and 21, this issue never occured.

Home Again

Home again!! Barcelona was fabulous. The Mediteranean Sea is everything I expected. Spending the week with husband, without children, was spectacular. How could it be anything but good when you are alone with your husband in Catalonia. We needed the time together since he has been travelling a great deal lately. It was difficult to come home without him, but I survived. The hardest issue to deal with was getting 16's drivers license. She was a little ugly since she had to wait 3 weeks past her birthday. I was feeling a little sorry for myself and wanted some symapathy from 21 and did not get it. Then I really was a mess. Why would I believe that I could get understanding from anyone who has not had children when my sense of loss was caused from such a relationship? And, for me, it was a significant loss. First, because I wanted 16 to understand and agree, that the delay in her receiving her license really had nothing to do with me, but had everything to do with her. Second, because I thought that 21 and I had reached a different level in our relationship where the world really didn't revolve around her, but around me, too. Well, you guessed it, 16 will never agree and the world really is revolving around 21 right now.

I would really like to share about the questions I posed for myself before I left for my trip, but I fear it may take longer than I have at the moment. I will try to tackle one before I sign off.

What makes a good friend? A good friend is someone who genuinely wants what is best for you at all times. They may not necessarily always be in touch, however, when contact is made, authentic love abounds. This is evident by probing questions, thoughtful answers (which sometimes may be a painful), and actions that always reveal the character of Christ.

Questions

Here we are halfway through the week and it has been uneventful. I love uneventful. No car trouble, no backed up toilets, no mega arguments. Things like that usually happen when husband is gone, but not this week. The worst thing that has happened is that 14 dropped husband's phone in the toilet. Guess he'll have to get another when he returns. Oh well, I can handle that. Tomorrow I will be busily preparing to travel to Europe. Thank God for my mother who cares for my teens while I'm gone. She is really wonderful with them, and they adore her.

Here are a few questions I want to ponder as I travel and have a week of leisure. I hope I can find a few answers.

1. What does a healthy relationship with your inlaws look like?
2. Am I a good mother-in-law?
3. How can we make our 24 year marriage better (it is good, but I want fabulous!)?
4. Am I a good friend?
5. What makes a good friend?

See you next week, hopefully, with some pix from Catalonia!!

The Birthday

Happy Birthday 14! How can it be that my baby is 14. We are moving from having a family full of children to young adults in our family. It is bittersweet. I have fabulous memories of my children, but how I love that they are growing up and becoming beautiful people. Some growing is a little more painful than others, but eventually, it is a good thing.

This week, after celebrating 14's birthday today, will be spent in preparation to go on a vacation with husband. He has already departed and we will meet in Barcelona, Spain on Saturday. It takes a great deal of preparation to leave. I have painting to do at 21's home, mowing, cleaning the pool, laundry, house cleaning (so my mom isn't grossed out when she comes to take care of my kids while I'm gone), grocery shopping, and some personal hygeine (so husband won't be grossed out when I see him). All the effort is definitely worth it once I get on the plane. A little romantic getaway is always good for the soul.

My goal this week: To be emotionally stable when dealing with 16 while husband is away, eat well and possibly drop a pound or two, and simply express to my family how very much I love them.

Trust and Communication

Well, we did go to the mall. I thought 16 was trying to make an effort to be civil to me, but, I was wrong. It was only an act to get what 16 wanted. As soon as 16 could tell I was not going to buy everything 16 wanted, the attitude began. Even in the middle of being poorly treated I bought 16 a couple of shirts. I really shouldn't have, but I wanted too. Silence became the prime communication. Since then, not a word. Our entire family decided we were going to the movie last night, to see Robots. 16 didn't want to go, 16 would do homework instead. That was fine with everyone else. We prepared to leave, went to the car, guess what? 16 came. I wonder what that was all about? Did 16 want to be begged to go? Did 16 think our outing would be ruined because of 16's non participation? 16 wants a driver's license. I want 16 to have a driver's license. My intuition tells me 16 must earn this privilege by having a good relationship with 16's family. Everyone must be allowed to experience the full consequences of their preferred behavior. Non communication with anyone will result in a broken relationship full of hurt and mistrust. If you want to be trusted you must learn to comminicate.

Honor and Respect

Here's my biggest dilemma today. Should I take 16 (what I'll call my 16 year old child) to the mall or not. Yesterday wasn't 16's best day. It wasn't the worst, but it had more conflict that I prefer. Conflict over poor behavior I can handle, but this conflict was basically over the fact that 16 doesn't like to talk to me and doesn't want me to talk to 16. That hurt. ..OK. I can do that. Not talk. Here's the deal, though. If 16 doesn't want a casual, communicative relationship with me, doesn't that inhibit the "taking to the mall " relationship, also? I think so. After all, what I want is a relationship that is good all the time. I simply should not be used when needed. This is a time for learning how to develop and have a desirable relationship between us.

My goal today: Not be yanked around by 16's mood swings and manipulations AND not to yank her around with my emotional manipulations. I want to learn from this and to teach 16 from this that everyone is due honor and respect. How we treat others reflects more about us than those we are mistreating.

The Onset

Today seems like a good day to begin recording a few thoughts I am having. Maybe others are experiencing the same events and emotions and then you will know that you are not alone! I am simply a mom of four who desperately wants her children to grow into adults who have an eternal perspective. Seeing this result has been a lot harder than I had initally expected. I am in the middle of this project at the moment, a little discouraged, but determined to see it faithfully to the end.

Ages of the children: 22,21,16,14. With two adult children, of whom I am extremely proud, comes it's own challenge of continuing my desire for a life built on sound principles. They are now independent, responsible, and engaging in building their own families. My role has changed as an overt contributer to their personal growth, however, I am still completely emotionally involved.

Today, it is my 16 year old who offers me the biggest challenge. I expect these blogs, for a while, will contain more material about this relationship than with anything else. I have questions about how to relate to this teen, but, I also have answers. My problem is not knowing the answers, it is in doing it!

Stay tuned....