A Milestone

It's Saturday, March 28th. A milestone for me. Today is our youngest child's 18th birthday. In the past month 25 turned 26, 24 to 25, 19 to 20, well you get the idea. So, now that all our children are legally adults, where does that leave me? I guess just about the same place I was yesterday: Tuition poor, a little tired, entirely content, and proud of all our children.

Each one has had their moments that we choose not to dwell on. We think of them at times just to remind ourselves that everyone makes mistakes and can still turn out to be unselfish, independent, responsible adults. That is the exact moment I always have a tear well up and spill over to my cheek: when I realize that even with all the mistakes I made, the poor decisions made by each child at various times, God simply chose to continue teaching, loving, and pouring out His inestimable, immutable Grace and gave us what we didn't deserve.

My heart overflows with joy
My mind unable to comprehend the gifts
My mouth insufficient to proclaim
I fall to my knees
Incapable of raising my eyes
You are Holy, You are Good, You are God

Almost Half Way

Here I am in the week before Spring Break, 2009. This is about the time in each semester when I am wondering what in the world I am doing. I'm tired, whiny, I have tests, projects, and reading to do and not much time to do it all. Work is easy but relentless. There just seems like there's not enough time to get it all done.

In this very moment what I require is a quiet corner, a deep breath, a word with my heavenly Father. The Sovereign's reminder that diligence is a virtue and that rest is sweeter after the frenzy of activity encourages me to plow through to the end of this week. One thing at a time, work on it, finish it, move on to the next.

Keep working, stay focused, do my best. Rest is coming. Persist.

PS. four more days till Husband returns.

Melancholy

It seems that after 20 years of Husband travelling I would be more than accustomed to being alone for extended times. But, that is certainly not the case. I miss him more and more each time he leaves.

This trip is an extraordinarily long trip. He will visit India and Thailand as he visits clients and customers. I am perfectly able to handle home and family while he is gone (after all, I've done it for years, at times with four teens at home). But, even though I have school and work, at the end of the day I want to share it with him.

I can, and do, experience some really interesting and entertaining events without him. They just don't have as much impact without someone to share them with. For example, I attended a lecture last week by Daryl Davis (look him up, you will be astounded), but I was alone. I wanted to relate my experience with someone who would care how it affected me.

I am reminded of a scene in a movie and I think it communicates why I miss Husband so much. It is from the movie "Shall We Dance", spoken by Susan Sarandon's character, Beverly Clark,

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

Yep, that's it, that is why I miss him so much. I want him to witness my life and I want to witness his.

Love you Husband. Be safe.

Potential

Lord, take every little part of me.
Make me more than I am.
Own my mind, my desires.
Give me a future.
Instill passion, focus, zeal.

Guide me, use me.
Speak. Move.

I will listen. I will do.