Graduation

Twelve hours until the big event. 18 will walk across the stage with her high school graduating class and receive the first significant award she will earn in her lifetime. Up to now, in her short existence, this is the most important day she has experienced. There have been times she will remember as more fun, but this day, in truth, ushers in her life as an adult.

Her family(parents, grandparents, and siblings) will expect more from her. She has been allowed the freedom to make some mistakes under the umbrella of protection of her parents. We, in essence, have covered her financially, emotionally, and physically. Now, she will be solely responsible for own decisions and the consequences that will follow, whether positive or negative. Our desire for her is that she will seek wise counsel before making any weighty choices. I believe she will. We are available and always ready (sometimes too ready) to give advice that we consider prudent. Part of our growing up as parents will be to wait to give our opinions until asked.

As I ironed her gown I realized that this day arrives so much sooner than we can anticipate. As parents, husband and I have done all we can to prepare her for her adult life, but there will be some things she must learn and decide on her own. What career will she pursue? What man will she love? Will she serve the LORD God or her own self made god? These things I will offer up in prayer to my Hope in Christ.

Lord, protect 18's heart and mind. Call her to You. Let her be satisfied with nothing less than You.

Frozen

OK, OK, I'll finally say it out loud, my shoulder hurts and it simply doesn't work. It is frozen! Have you ever heard of such a thing? I hadn't before about a month ago.

Dr. - "Well, it seems your shoulder is frozen."
Me - "What do you mean frozen?"
Dr. - "Frozen, as in won't move at all."
Me - "You've got to be kidding."
Dr. - " Do I look like I'm kidding?"

Believe me, this doc has something frozen and it's not his shoulder. He wasn't kidding. So the past few weeks I have spent much time (2-3 hours a day) doing physical therapy, 3 times a week at the clinic where an exceptionally nice therapist moves my arm and shoulder to locations that feel as if they are out of this universe. Therapy is time consuming and painful. This morning I was discussing (with myself) the possibility of just being satisfied with one arm that is fully functioning and the other that I can use as long as I don't try to raise it too high. Most people won't even notice that I reach with only one arm, that washing and drying my hair is a gymnastic feat, and hugging my dearest loved ones causes a grimace. I think I can do it!

My tearful prayer this morning was a plea to God to "melt" my shoulder.

"I need it!" I prayed with an exclamation point. "I don't want to just appear to be well, I want to be healthy, able bodied, fit as a fiddle."

I soon realized that I am more concerned with my physical health than my spiritual fitness. I appear to others to be spiritually fit, yet, I know that I hold back parts of me that God still wants to soften and mold so that I will not merely appear to be spiritually hale, but truly biblically strong throughout my entire being.

Have your physical limitations and neediness revealed to you your need for spiritual healing and awakening? What is frozen in you?

What Now?

It's been over a week since "the event"(Let Me Be Brief) and I have had plenty of time to process my thoughts and emotions. Wow, what an array of attitudes have crossed my mind! I have gone from extreme anger (and I mean extreme), to pity(for myself, of course), to just a complete loss of knowing what to do next.

Husband and I want what is best for 18 and for the family as a whole. She should experience some acute consequences. I believe they should be natural consequences, not neccesarily conjured up by me. Do you know what I mean? For instance, in the present, she is having to be driven everywhere from school to work to the movies. Wherever she goes she must be taken, like a pre-teen. No one wants to allow her to drive their car yet. In the near future the consequences are less about convenience and pride and more about finances. She will be required to buy or replace her car and carry comprehensive insurance. It will be quite a burden for her. An onus we deliberately worked hard for her not to carry while she was in college.

Therein lies the root of my self pity. We planned and saved and paid off cars in order to give them to our children so they would have a smaller insurance bill and no car payments. They have only been required to pay for their gas and incidentals, and now, that opportunity has been shattered by recklessness. That is what really tests me!

Don't you know that is how God feels about me? God sacrificed for my redemption and freedom and I continually live inattentively and ruin my chance at life without harsh consequences. What is wrong with me!?! He continues to give me chance after chance and I wreck it.

The questions I have about what is right parenting in this situation will be answered by how God parents me. Since I have continuously disappointed Him, yea, even made Him angry with my carelessness in regard to the details in my life, I will do the same with 18. She will have consequences, she will be forgiven, she will be loved. No grudges, no bitterness.