A Challenge

I have found that parenting adult children who live in my house is one of the most challenging things I do. That time between graduating high school and when they get married and become adults who make real life decisions and care about others they have chosen to be in their household and family.

Let's face it, I want my kids to make good decisions because it's the right thing to do. Because they will benefit. Because everyone around them will profit. And, because it reflects their ongoing relationship with the LORD.

In the years of my children's teenagerhood my goal has been to give them advice and godly opinions about life, allow my kids to have the opportunity to make age appropriate decisions, and let them experience the natural consequences of their choices. In doing this, by the time they are on their own, they will have practice at assessing situations and making good decisions. It is difficult, especially for one like me that tends to be controlling. (I have a good reason for being controlling, I am always right.:)

For the most part, I am so proud of my "adult- but- not- on- their- own" kids. But, and let me be honest, parenting them is a challenge. I give advice, I see the choices, I see the mistakes, I envision the result. UGH, not my favorite part of life.

LORD, protect us, give us wisdom, have mercy on us, lead us.

The Big One

Here I am at the end of a fabulous weekend. It was my Big birthday weekend and Husband and the family made it memorable. I have been wondering how I might handle it and made the choice to embrace my age rather than dread it.

What's to dread? My kids are all doing well and are at the ages where Husband and I have the freedom to do things we haven't had the time do in the past. I have begun a new job which, I believe, is the beginning of a challenging and fulfilling career. I have no regrets (that is code for I earned my college degree). I still like Husband and he still likes me, that is a real blessing. We are physically fit (ok, I could lose a few pounds) and, repeating what others have told us, we look a few years younger than our actual age.

I choose to embrace this season of my life. In fact, Husband and I worked on a list of things we would like to accomplish in years to come. The anticipation of achieving some difficult projects or simply saving up to travel the world is enough to stimulate my senses and propel me to figuratively climb higher mountains.

I want to step out of my comfort zone and build some relationships with new people who aren't like me. I desire to reconnect with friends I haven't seen for a while. I long to hug my kids and grandkids more often.

I am embracing the now, anticipating the future, loving this life.

What I've Learned

It's been one year since I began working outside my home and decided to go back to school full time. I must admit everything, yes everything, is different. My friendships, my family relationships, my housekeeping, and even my expectations for the future. Each paradigm I ever held dear, we might even call them ideologies, have changed. The transformations have not taken place without pain. It was time for the revolution, I didn't go willingly, but now I know it is all for the best.

I have learned:

I am only human. (This is really more of a reminder) This simple principle is reflected in the fact that I cannot please everyone, all the time. I have to prioritize and be satisfied with my choices.

Some friendships were relationships of convenience not intimacy. Some still continue to seek me out and keep up with me because they genuinely care for me and my future. This was a difficult and painful process.

I love learning. School has been an experience I will remember with great fondness. I hope I never quit exercising my brain and acquiring knowledge.

I always want to make time to serve God, family, and others no matter how busy and stressful life may get. This is where real fulfillment takes place.

I have put what I always believed I would be in the future away and I never again want to put my future in my own box. I want to follow, willingly and passionately, God's path for me. I will make plans and prepare for the future, but be ready for whatever God presents.

What I have learned is that learning never has to cease.

LORD, let me always be ready to learn.

Mother's Day

Somehow, each Mother's Day, I always conclude the day reminiscing about the day's events. Today was no different. My memories of today will include

An aromatic, perfect cup of coffee with Husband first thing this morning...
Life Group (Sunday School for us old timers) with friends...
Worship and teaching with my corporate church...
Lunch with my in-laws...
An enjoyable and enteraining dance recital (Granddaughter was the finest, of course!)
A visit with my Granny...
Home again...

Husband and I thought we would have an uneventful day of naps and relaxation since we had all our children and grandchildren over last night to celebrate the mothers in our family. Instead, every moment was filled with relationships, communication, and sharing our lives with others that are dear to us.

I wouldn't want it any other way!

A Milestone

It's Saturday, March 28th. A milestone for me. Today is our youngest child's 18th birthday. In the past month 25 turned 26, 24 to 25, 19 to 20, well you get the idea. So, now that all our children are legally adults, where does that leave me? I guess just about the same place I was yesterday: Tuition poor, a little tired, entirely content, and proud of all our children.

Each one has had their moments that we choose not to dwell on. We think of them at times just to remind ourselves that everyone makes mistakes and can still turn out to be unselfish, independent, responsible adults. That is the exact moment I always have a tear well up and spill over to my cheek: when I realize that even with all the mistakes I made, the poor decisions made by each child at various times, God simply chose to continue teaching, loving, and pouring out His inestimable, immutable Grace and gave us what we didn't deserve.

My heart overflows with joy
My mind unable to comprehend the gifts
My mouth insufficient to proclaim
I fall to my knees
Incapable of raising my eyes
You are Holy, You are Good, You are God

Melancholy

It seems that after 20 years of Husband travelling I would be more than accustomed to being alone for extended times. But, that is certainly not the case. I miss him more and more each time he leaves.

This trip is an extraordinarily long trip. He will visit India and Thailand as he visits clients and customers. I am perfectly able to handle home and family while he is gone (after all, I've done it for years, at times with four teens at home). But, even though I have school and work, at the end of the day I want to share it with him.

I can, and do, experience some really interesting and entertaining events without him. They just don't have as much impact without someone to share them with. For example, I attended a lecture last week by Daryl Davis (look him up, you will be astounded), but I was alone. I wanted to relate my experience with someone who would care how it affected me.

I am reminded of a scene in a movie and I think it communicates why I miss Husband so much. It is from the movie "Shall We Dance", spoken by Susan Sarandon's character, Beverly Clark,

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

Yep, that's it, that is why I miss him so much. I want him to witness my life and I want to witness his.

Love you Husband. Be safe.

Heat

I awoke yesterday morning and, of course, walked straight to the kitchen for that first cup of stimulus called coffee. The initial sip of that hot libation always makes me sigh. Every day it invokes the same response from me. I taste, my eyes involuntarily close, I sigh. Aaaahhhh.

However, my bliss didn't last long. As I toured the house, making my morning survey of what must be done, I noted how chilly each room was. I was sure it was just that it was extra cold outside and the arctic air was making its way in through our old single pane windows. So, I decided to start the fireplace, turn up the thermostat, and enjoy the quiet morning. Well, what a surprise I had when I reached the thermostat and noticed the temperature was only 60 even though it should have been 69. I quickly put my hand in front of a vent and felt cold air blowing. Oh, no! I turned off the system at the thermostat, BUT, the cold air kept blowing! I was afraid that our HVAC system's name might be HAL (a reference to the computer in 2001: A Space Odyssey for you younger people.)

Ok, I'll spare you all the details of an hour of trying to get the heater to quit blowing cold air and just leap to the end of the story. After several phone calls, none were able to travel to me and aid me in my distress, I decided I would just have to help myself. (Dad was iced in, Husband in Europe, and HVAC guy in Dallas.)

I climbed into the attic, found the on/off switch for the entire HVAC system and turned it off. YES! The cold air quit blowing. Now, how can I get the warm air to return to the leggy vent system that delivers warmth and comfort to our living quarters? In short, I rebooted the system by turning it back on. Miraculously, the heat began to blow.

Why comment on my pedestrian experience with my heater? Because these are the types of experiences that I would choose not to deal with, which is why I called others for answers before I began to really search for a solution myself. But, having been forced to do it myself, I know that sometimes my own ideas are worth trying and may be the solution I need. Maybe next time I will try to fix it myself first, before I send out distress calls, literally, around the world.

At Home, Love is the Theme

T1 and T2 will meet their brother and dog and become familiar with home today. What a wild three weeks it has been. But, now, the anticipated has truly arrived.

Home should be a safe haven for all inhabitants. Home is sometimes chaotic but should be comfortable. Home is a retreat where honor and respect are found, sympathy and grace are given, mercy and forgiveness are taught. Nuturing and caresses are frequent and playfulness the mood. Love is the theme.

Pretty lofty goals? Yes, and sometimes it seems impossible since home is where most conflict begins, many hearts are torn, and tears are spilt. We must always press on toward this objective: Love is the theme.

Remember the theme when exhaustion has set in. Recall love when quarrels arise. Keep in mind the goal when the din of the world overcomes the stillness of Truth.

I pray that all who go home today will find that Love is the Theme where they abide.

Young

Yesterday brought news from the neonatologist (? is that how you spell that? You know they are smart if you can't even spell what they do!), it seems that the twins are one week younger, gestationally, than originally thought. That means they were born at 34 weeks rather than 35 weeks. This was, in a way, good news for 24 and her husband. The babies are doing well for 34 weeks old. They have set their expectations on this age and expect to see them begin eating more from the bottle and have less supplemental formula from the feeding tube in the next week.

Just a thought: Each time we visit the babies we must scrub our hands to our elbows for a timed three minutes. We disinfect ourselves from the outside world and care for the twins with clean hands. Oh, if only we kept that picture for every day of our parenting lives. Metaphorically, everyday let's scrub ourselves clean before we start our parenting chores. Wash up, gas up, get ready for the day in the Word. That would "rock" this world and really give our kids what they need.

More news will follow as I get it. Thanks for keeping up with us. Your love, concern, and prayers are a necessary part of our existence. I thank God for you each time I think of you.

Feed Me

Today both babies have been given feeding tubes to supplement their eating. Neither is interested enough to eat a full meal. Both are in warmers. The chances that they will go home at the end of this week are quickly fading.

24 was released from the hospital yesterday and is enjoying the comfort and ease of her home. G2 is also thrilled to be in his own home. 24 and her husband are travelling twice a day to feed and hold the babies and this will take a toll in a few days.

Pray that the babies will begin to eat enough to gain weight, hold their body tempurature, and come out of the warmers. All this progress begins with their ability to want to eat more.

Update on 24 - 1/09 a.m.

This morning I awoke at 5 a.m. and couldn't get my mind off 24. Was she still besieged by contractions? Had she slept? Did she ever get any relief? So, I prayed, showered, prayed, dressed, prayed, got in the car and drove to the hospital to see for myself.

As I arrived I was so relieved to find both 24 and her husband sleeping soundly. So, this morning's update is that your prayers are appreciated and avail much. She is having a cup of hot chocolate and adequately handling the contractions that prevail. Thankfully, they are less frequent and intense.

Thank you, Lord, that your Word is true. "The prayers of a righteous man avails much."

Update on 24 - 1/08 p.m.

24 isn't doing so well this evening. Her contractions are about 2 to 3 minutes apart and difficult to bear. She has had some pain medication and will sleep for a while. She is looking forward to seeing her doctor (who has been on vacation since she has been here in the hospital) and the high risk doctor who will examine the babies tomorrow.

Pray for relief from the pain, healthy babies and rest.

24 Update for today, 1/8

24 is still having contractions every 10 minutes. They don't seem to be changing her cervix, so we will be here for a while. The only things that may force the doctors to decide to take the babies would be if her water broke, the babies were in distress, or she dilated to 6 or so.

So we will wait. That is really difficult, expecially for 24. She is tired and hurting from the constant contractions, but wants to do what is best for the twins.

Pray for 24 and her family. Request from the God of Giving health, patience, hope.

24 and the Twins

I am writing today from a cold hospital room. No, the babies have not been delivered yet. Although they are making every effort to make their entrance, all measures have been taken to stop their premiere for a few more days. 24 settled in here on Sunday afternoon and anxiously awaits information daily from doctors as to when the babies will be allowed to debut. They are still small, yet at 35 weeks they could hold their own in this world with a little help from the NICU. 24 is uncomfortable, and at times, even in pain. Her contractions have not completely ceased, but with medication have subsided a great deal.

I guess, if I had been realistic, I knew that a hospital stay in the last few weeks of her pregnancy would be inevitable. My job is to rub her back, massage her feet and legs, give emotional encouragement (You can do it! It will all be over soon! Rah, Rah, Rah!), and pray.

Her greatest concern, as she awaits the delivery, is for her 2 year old son. Each day she longs to care for him, yet she must trust others that love her and G2 (2 year old Grandchild) to give him a day of lovin' and fun. He is doing well, he is practically on holiday with nuturers that desire to meet his every whim.

Her husband is a great source of support and comfort, never leaving her side except to take care of unavoidable responsibility (his job) and attempting to fulfill her every need and notion.

It is a trying time, yet, we find God so faithful to meet our needs through others. Sweet people are praying, visiting, caring, doing.

Lord, give 24 physical relief from the pain and infuse her with patience,. Give her a look at the big picture and the stamina to endure the next few weeks with hope and confidence. Protect B1 and B2. Grow them, strengthen them, endow them with excellent health (inside and out of the womb).

Imagine what the future holds for 24 and her husband. All I can say is WOW!

Life is in the Blood

Even though it's been a while I really wanted to get one last post in this year. I'm not sure why, it just seemed important. So much has occurred over the last four months it is difficult to decide what to share. So, in the interest of time, this post will be short and sweet, but I can feel more posts welling up inside so check back soon.

Over the past month ,24 (our oldest daughter) has had a few challenges with her pregnancy. Oh, did I forget to mention that she is expecting in January? Well, she is. And, she is carrying twin boys. How fabulous is that? The challenge has been that B1 (that is Baby 1 in blog speak) had a very serious lack of blood flow. The deficiency of blood could cause all sorts of physical ailments, even mortality. In fact, the doctors gave 24 steroid shots in preparation to deliver the babies. Why the lack of blood flow? No one knows. Many people began to pray. My personal prayer was that God would provide blood for B1 by allowing the blood to flow again through physical means or by miracle, it didn't matter to me which one. After all, He is God, He made B1, He can provide all the blood B1 needs in any way He chooses. We waited and prayed till 24's next doctor's visit halfway expecting that the babies would be delivered and this would be much too early for comfort. We were humbled and grateful that God provided exactly what B1 needed, blood. The doctor reported that B1's blood flow is just fine. Life is in the blood! So, now we are awaiting B1 and B2 to arrive. They should be here in a few weeks. No doubt there will be a few posts about that.

All of that is good news, to say the least. However, my heart was incredibly moved when on Christmas Day the reality of "Life is in the Blood" profoundly affected me. That was why God sent Our Saviour in the form of a human. Blood was the life of Jesus because he was man. His blood was spilled (He died), not because He was mortal, but because I needed Life. My blood was insufficient because it was tainted with sin. His blood was pure, blameless, holy. Life is in the Blood.

Usually I hide my eyes at the sight of blood. I don't like gory details so I could never be a doctor or nurse. But I am incredibly thankful and humbled that I have Life and it is because of The Blood.

Thank you LORD for the Blood that washes me clean.

In the News

Well, there certainly is a lot of news circulating at my house and around my family this week. First of all, I did it! I thought I could, but now I know I can, I made 2 A's in my classes this semester. It was a challenge for me, the schedule of school and work, now I just have to continue the momentum through the fall. I will be attending full time (just 12 hours, but still it's full time), it's going to be fabulous, I love learning new things.

Next, 17 attended the community college for dual credits for high school and college and did fabulously. I am so proud of her. She was, I think, pleasantly surprised at her success.

Also, maybe you have heard, there is a tempestuous storm presently blowing at Criswell College. I have some interest there because my brother is an associate professor of humanities there. The president has resigned which has left a gap in his position and in the role of radio show host at 5 p.m. each day on KCBI. As the week has progressed, I have just learned that Brother will be the host of that show now! How spectacular! He is brilliant and you must tune in to be challenged, taught, and simply enjoy listening to discussions about world events from a Biblical perspective. I promise, you won't be disappointed.

Husband has had a successful month, he has dazzled his superiors and will embark on a new challenging project. It will be quite a distinct honor for his career. I am so proud of him!

19 has just returned from a mission trip to Venezuela. It was a great experience for her. As I sit back and observe her, what I see is that she is being transformed into a beautiful, graceful, young lady. Although she still has her moments at home of, well, you know, I think those times may be a little fewer and farther between. All in all, soon, I may consider her as one of Husband's and my great accomplishments. She begins her sophomore school year at the University of Texas at Arlington and she is really excited. She is planning on participating in rush, I'm not sure how thrilled I am about that, but, I will watch and see how she handles this new experience.

I know, I know it certainly is a long post, I'll save the rest for later.

Time

I know my posts have been few and far between lately. Time has been quite illusive for me as I have begun a new era in my life. But, today, I am taking the time to let you know that I will not be posting anything until at least June 2. I will be busily unbusy.

Today, Husband and I depart to take an anniversary cruise. You may remember that two years ago we took our first cruise for our 25th anniversary. We loved it. We cruised the Mediterranean from Spain to Italy to France and had the time of our lives.

It's been two years since that momentous trip. Yes, I will be married 27 years on May 30, 2008, and, yes, it is difficult to believe that time really is ticking away at record speed. (I would love to reminisce with you at this point about the poignant moments of our marriage, but I don't have the time).

In just a few short hours, 10 a.m. cdt, Husband's dad will be here to deliver us to our flight. We will enter the doors to a vessel that will transport us to a wonderland of discovery, historical significance, and just plain enjoyment. Our first stop is Milan, where we will encounter Da Vinci's The Last Supper. We will hop a train to Venice, travel the Grand Canal, enter the wonderland of Cruising. From there we will see new and wondrous sights in Croatia, Greece, and Turkey. I am ready for those seven days of adventure.

This year I have an idea of what to imagine as I pack my last few items. The most anticipated is 10 days alone with Husband. We will dream big for our children, plan well for our future, rest up for our present, and (above all) worship our God who never fails to please us with His Goodness, Generosity, and Grace. Why He would bestow such pleasure to me is beyond my scope of understanding.

Thank you, Father, for everything we have and do. I know it is straight from your hand. Let us glorify You in all we do and say.

Last Junior

Whew!!! Working, even part time, really cuts into my day. I am working a few extra hours since we are short staffed. I'll help out as long as I can. But, when I start school, that will be my primary priority.

Today is a really significant day for a few of us in our household. This is 17's last day as a junior in high school. She's taking her two last finals and then she's a senior. Our last senior. She has had a challenging year, to say the least. Emotionally we have been through the ringer. As I recall, though, 24 and 19 also had their roughest years as juniors. Sometimes girls are so brutal to one another.

Many questions flood my mind as I look ahead to her senior year. Will she depend on the Lord to emotionally encourage her? How can I propel her into her future and not hinder her from taking responsibility for herself? Will she choose righteousness? Will her disappointments in people affect her for her good or cause her to expect the worst in others?

Well, here is my answer to my own queries: I don't know. She must decide for herself. However, I will pray, pray, and pray more. The Lord can meet her need. The Lord can give her hope for a future and a love for others, even though disappointments come. The Lord can develop her into fabulously, tender, beautiful woman of honor and grace.

Here's to you, 17! I love you.

January 7th!!

January 7th! How could it possibly be January 7th? So many events have taken place in the past four weeks and I have so much to share. Husband and I have shopped, eaten, wrapped, eaten, talked, eaten, visited with family and friends, eaten, worshipped the Living Savior, eaten, and in general had a spectacular holiday season.

I will not be wrong in sharing with you that on Christmas Day we took a break from our ordinary lives and spent the day with our children, children's children, and other relatives. We feasted and gave one another gifts to celebrate the fact that Christ has saved us from utter annihilation. What a wonderful day! Generosity was the theme, love was the reason.

Last week husband, 16, 18 and I skied some fabulous slopes in Colorado (perfect powder I might add). We drove the 13 hour trip with my dad and brother and simply enjoyed every moment together.

This morning, as I walked to squeeze in my cardio exercise for the day, I noticed how overcast and windy it was. My first inclination was to relate it to the past year. For me, I would catergorize the last twelve months as cloudy, somewhat dark and difficult. There are many reasons, some I have shared with you and some that I couldn't possibly relate, they are just too private. However, the temperature this morning during my walk on January 7th, was a balmy 67 degrees. That's right, 67 degrees. It occurred to me that the clouds were keeping the temperature moderate and the wind felt good on my face and in my hair. I could have looked at the day and thought how depressing it was, how I was being deprived from the sun. But, instead, I see that if the clouds were not in place, the heat would dissipate and a cold, cold wind would prohibit me from going on a walk that keeps me healthy.

Maybe that is what the past year has been about. It has been cloudy and windy in my estimation. I know that God is sovereign and has provided a covering to keep the freezing and harmful wind from causing irreparable harm. The comforting Truth is this: God is Lord of all and I can trust Him.

Husband is an eternal optimist. He expects this year to be the best year ever. So do I.

A Regret

Every once in a while I look back over my life and, over all, I have very few regrets. Most of my mistakes, which are countless, I have been able to learn from, make amends (still with fairly harsh consequences, but deserved, nonetheless), and even overcome. However, there is one that continues to haunt me to this day.

Sometimes, I even feel I am shackled to it and there is no key.

As I look at that statement and try to be reasonable, possibly only part of it is true. I have been inexorably constrained by my error. This reality is difficult to swallow. That specific decision I made as a very young adult has molded me into the woman I am today. What shall I do with that fact? In truth, I am humbled continually by my previous lack of judgment, and, I must admit, humility is a trait that I esteem in others, so I will not condemn that attribute even in myself. I believe God has used it for good as I have experienced life with Husband and Children.

So, you are probably asking, what is the problem? Well, the conclusion of the statement is where my misery takes root. Is there a key? Yes, there is, however, it is an expensive key. What I may be realizing is that it is the same key that I refused to use before. I chose not to utilize it in my past because it was just as costly way back then. There is a difference in the price. The expenditure will be paid by my whole family, not just me.

Now, what will I do? Truthfully, I'm not sure. I know, it doesn't sound like me, does it? Usually when confronted with a difficult decision I tackle the task head on and just do what needs to get done. Why does this issue stump me? I think because I hesitate to have my family pay for my past mistakes. But, it really is getting to the point that I cannot wait any longer to redeem the past.

Lord, lead me, relieve me, provide for me, redeem my past for future good.