Confessions of an Ordinary Woman

Somehow, I find myself again, having committed to a task that is much larger than I. My inadequacy astounds me and I wonder aloud to myself, "How could I possibly think that I have anything to offer a class that seeks to know God's Word, hence, God Himself better?" "Leader? Teacher? Me? Absolutely Not!"

In the past few weeks I have amassed a rather long list of reasons why I should not carry through with this commitment. Each item, in and of itself, is grounds enough to gracefully bow out. The weightiest is that I am just an ordinary woman. Ordinary in the sense that I have no impressive credentials. I am not immune to the difficulties that life throws at us. I must work at my marriage, just like you. My children disappoint me, I struggle with rocky relationships, I have to work like a dog to be a good steward of the things and money God has entrusted to me. I long to trust God, yet desire to be in complete control. Simply put, I fail.

As I record this list of reasons why I should not lead, my heart resounds with the memories of God's Boundless Faithfulness in each of those episodes of my life. He restored passion to my marriage and we have celebrated 26 years together. My children make mistakes (big ones) but their contrite response to God's conviction redeems the time they spent separated from God. In fact, My Merciful Father reminds me that their sin is against Him, not me. God has ministered to me in every, and I mean all, situations. Some were consequences of my own sin, some I have no idea why I needed to experience those tortuous hours.

So, having been reminded once again of God's Unfailing Perfection, I remember why I have made the commitment to lead. I want to give testimony to God. It is not about me. It is about Him.

RGF's

Really Good Friends. I am sincerely awed by my RGF's. Do you have any RGF's? They are the people that know your deepest, darkest, ugliest secrets and still come over, look you in the eye, and convey (with or without words) their love and devotion to you. And I mean godly love and devotion. The kind that encourages you to seek God's answer to your heartbreaking isssue and, in fact, will also search for God's Best for you.

Maybe a better question might be "Are you anybody's RGF?"

It's uncomfortable and a little risky to show up at someone's home when you know they are hurting and you need to be willing to talk, or simply listen, about the rough stuff. But, that is when most of us need an RGF, when we are unable to step outside the confines of our home and seek the comfort and encouragement we need.

You see, when we are hurting our imaginations tend get out of control. We envision what we believe others must think of us. And it usually isn't good. So, be an RGF and take the guessing out of your friend's heart and let them know (without a shadow of a doubt) the depth of your love.

Why Wait?

That has been my question... Why must I wait for the hard times to be past and for the healing to begin in some relationships that are important. I was reminded today just how faithful the LORD God really is and why He makes us wait.

"And therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious to you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him." Isaiah 30:18

So true. If in my muck I feel like I have done what I can and the circumstances appear to have been changed in my favor, I would think that I had manipulated my own destiny. However, when I am faithful to do the right thing in the midst of the most difficult times and nothing appears to be changing, then I am more likely to realize that it is God who absolutely holds my future. This also tests my character. Am I doing the right thing because it is right or because I want good things to come to me?

Let me say, loud and clear, that our God Is Gracious. We have experienced the beginning stages of healing in our home. We are thankful for a Righteous God, Our Shield, Our Defender, a God of Mercy and Grace.

Grief

Why must we experience grief?
It seems it must have been long enough.
How can I last much longer?
Could there possibly be more?
How long, Father?

When you trust Me absolutely
with an unwavering faith
then, and only then,
will it be long enough.