An Anniversary

24 years. 24 years. 24 years. That is a long time, but, then again, only a moment seems to have passed. We have been married 24 years. One short of "silver". Husband is travelling again this week, so in preparation of the big day on Monday, I thought I would do some research and plan something special for us to experience in celebration of a 24 year marriage. The number itself reminds me of the passing of one day, 24 hours, so, I think I will capitalize on that notion. Maybe I'll prepare a heartfelt poem for husband to read each of the 24 hours of the day. Each will represent each year of our marriage and remind him of our married history. Or, how about 24 notes he will find that has an intimate thought or question we could discuss each of the hours of our "special" day. We will just talk and talk and talk and talk. Maybe I should carefully place 24 pictures throughout the house so he will find each of them as he progresses through his day and it will cause him to be sentimental, and then we can talk about those memories of which our years together consist. Or we could do 24 little tasks together around the house and then our abode would really be snazzy.

How about I hug him, tell him I'm glad we are still together, physically and emotionally, and simply enjoy an ordinary day with an extraordinary man.

The Wedding Day

It's midnight on the morning of 21's wedding. We have had a successful day of taking care of the details that make a wedding. I've packed the car with candles, candy, flowers, and chandeliers at home. I've unpacked the car of candles, candy, flowers, and chandeliers at the church. We rehearsed, we ate, we laughed, we talked. We are ready.

Later we will be coifed, dressed, made up, and photographed. Then 21 will walk down the aisle on her father's arm. What a picture. 21 will be in white, husband in black tie. 16, and 14 will be gorgeous in satin evening gowns. I will be dazzled. 21's husband-to-be will be waiting to take her to a home he has prepared to protect and love her for eternity.

I love the wedding ceremony. It is intended to remind us of another bride, husband, and father. The bride in white: the church, holy and blameless. The husband: Christ, loving protector of the church, preparing a home for His bride. The Father: God, who made a way for Christ and the church to be intimate with one another.

I can't wait for Christ to come back and take me home! Are you ready for The Wedding?

The Day Before the Day Before

Wow!! What was that? Yesterday was difficult for me and I decided just to go with the flow, literally. All I know is that when I dressed in the morning I was sniffling, when I cleaned the kitchen after lunch (and boy, is it shiny now!) I was silently crying, when I walked through the family room in the early afternoon I was all out sobbing, and any time I spoke with anyone I usually teared up and had a shaky voice when we spoke of the wedding preparations. "What's wrong, what can I do?" everyone asked. Nothing is wrong, nothing you can do. I knew this day would come, but still, I was not prepared for it. In the following hours I was a little more in control of my out of control emotions, but I felt as if I had been in a marathon (o.k., for me it would be a 5K race) and had no strength left. Maybe that is just where I should be, because thankfully, "when I am weak, He is strong." AAHH, that is good.

Staying Focused

77 hours until the wedding. 75 hours until we need to be at the church for photos. 54 hours until rehearsal. 52 hours until we decorate for the reception. 29 hours until we pick up Husband's tux. Those hours will pass and I can stay focused and use them to achieve good things or I can waste them doing trivial activities which I will regret in days to come. I am resolved to stay focused. I refuse to get caught up in an emotional roller coaster with some of our friends and family who cannot make a potentially stressful week easy . I refuse to get annoyed with dishes in the sink, I will not second guess the wedding guest list, the reception menu, or what candles I should have bought. For the next 77 hours I will relish doing laundry for 21, help her at a moments notice try on her dress and veil, pack a box with toiletries to move to her new home, run to the store to buy a hook for her new closet. I will stay focused on 21. Finally, 21, this week you are the queen, and you are royal.

16 and 14, don't worry, we will have fun days in the summer to come. You and I will have our special moments, too, but 21 is my focus this week. Don't besmirch her, don't be envious, just honor her with your kindness and prayers.

Special Days

Some days are just going to be special. Today is one of those days for me. No, it's not my birthday. Not my anniversary. I am not receiving any special award. No, today probably isn't significant in anybody else's book except mine. Today I get to spend the entire day with 21. We are going to do ordinary things like laundry, cleaning toilets, eating lunch, vacuuming. I can't wait! These are the activities that make memories and I will hold this week's memories very near to my heart. We have 5 days until the wedding!

My single goal for this week is to honor my daughter in our time together and, in return, give her the opportunity to leave my home with honor, dignity, and the ability to create a home full of honor. That is my single desire for her; that the people in her family will treat each other with dignity and honor, even in the midst of incredibly difficult circumstances. The only way for her and her family to do this practically impossible act is to allow God, who held us in an honorable place when we deserved judgement, to practice honor through them. After all, isn't that our purpose here while we visit on this planet, to act like Jesus so others can see what He has done for them?

Sentimentality

I don't usually consider myself sentimental, yet, there are a few times in my life when sentimentality has reared it's head, and it isn't so bad. I pride myself in the fact that I look to the future, make plans, am quite prepared for what is to come, and am optimistic, too. I love to look at a challenge and seek out a creative way to accomplish it. However, looking back can be theraputic if not healthy. This week is one of those weeks. My daughter is getting married next week. Wow, how can that be? It seems she just learned to ride her bike yesterday. I have planned the wedding (staying within the budget I might add), cleaned the house for guests, attended showers with precious gifts in hand, visited with her new mother-in-law, and even had some time for working and making a dollar here and there. Today seems be the day I put away the rote behavior of taking care of wedding business and emotionally prepare to give my daughter to her new husband. Tears well up in my eyes as I type those words. What is it that causes tears at weddings? It is time for her to marry. She wants it and, I think, may actually need it. I want it for her (although her dad could not say that yet). Her home is being prepared and will be a wonderful first home. Financially, they are ready. Why tears?

I have tears because it is a rite of passage. Tears because the memories are bittersweet. We have 21 years of history. Most of the memories are precious to me and I linger in their presence. I remember holding her for the very first time like it was yesterday, 5 lbs 0 ounces. Brushing her curly hair and giving her pig tails. Taking her to kindergarten. Picking her up from the end of year 6th grade party and she cried so hard she could hardly breathe because she knew life would never be the same after elementary school. Then there are the bitter memories that I hold dear because we both grew to maturity in them, but they are painful to recall. Those I will not share with you, they are too personal. But, they were neccessary for our growth. I made a lot of mistakes, so did she. However, the fabulous thing about knowing God as your Saviour is that He can redeem those times and make something grand from them.

A Week's Worth

I have a week's worth of thoughts and I can't wait to put them down. I had to wait a while to record them because I felt a little too vulnerable and emotional to sift through them until now. I am processing the whole "who am I and why am I here" question. It's really not as deep as it sounds because I really know the answer to the deep part of that theological question, it's how it plays out in my day to day life that sometimes stumps me. I am a doer. And doers get overcommitted. And when we try to be selective about what we choose to be involved in or maybe even quit (which is really difficult to do because doers are not quitters), other people are really hard on us. Doers have given other people expectations that we will always take care of everything, "Don't worry, I'll do it." And when we decide someone else should do it, sometimes others like to shame us into action. Well, I have decided I am not going to play. I will do everything God has called me to do, and I will do my very best. Everything else I am leaving to other people that God has called to action. I am not in charge of everything, (even though sometimes I would like to be). But I am in charge of me. I will be faithful. Period. I am ready to answer to the Living God about my involvement. Period.