Questions

Here we are halfway through the week and it has been uneventful. I love uneventful. No car trouble, no backed up toilets, no mega arguments. Things like that usually happen when husband is gone, but not this week. The worst thing that has happened is that 14 dropped husband's phone in the toilet. Guess he'll have to get another when he returns. Oh well, I can handle that. Tomorrow I will be busily preparing to travel to Europe. Thank God for my mother who cares for my teens while I'm gone. She is really wonderful with them, and they adore her.

Here are a few questions I want to ponder as I travel and have a week of leisure. I hope I can find a few answers.

1. What does a healthy relationship with your inlaws look like?
2. Am I a good mother-in-law?
3. How can we make our 24 year marriage better (it is good, but I want fabulous!)?
4. Am I a good friend?
5. What makes a good friend?

See you next week, hopefully, with some pix from Catalonia!!

The Birthday

Happy Birthday 14! How can it be that my baby is 14. We are moving from having a family full of children to young adults in our family. It is bittersweet. I have fabulous memories of my children, but how I love that they are growing up and becoming beautiful people. Some growing is a little more painful than others, but eventually, it is a good thing.

This week, after celebrating 14's birthday today, will be spent in preparation to go on a vacation with husband. He has already departed and we will meet in Barcelona, Spain on Saturday. It takes a great deal of preparation to leave. I have painting to do at 21's home, mowing, cleaning the pool, laundry, house cleaning (so my mom isn't grossed out when she comes to take care of my kids while I'm gone), grocery shopping, and some personal hygeine (so husband won't be grossed out when I see him). All the effort is definitely worth it once I get on the plane. A little romantic getaway is always good for the soul.

My goal this week: To be emotionally stable when dealing with 16 while husband is away, eat well and possibly drop a pound or two, and simply express to my family how very much I love them.

Trust and Communication

Well, we did go to the mall. I thought 16 was trying to make an effort to be civil to me, but, I was wrong. It was only an act to get what 16 wanted. As soon as 16 could tell I was not going to buy everything 16 wanted, the attitude began. Even in the middle of being poorly treated I bought 16 a couple of shirts. I really shouldn't have, but I wanted too. Silence became the prime communication. Since then, not a word. Our entire family decided we were going to the movie last night, to see Robots. 16 didn't want to go, 16 would do homework instead. That was fine with everyone else. We prepared to leave, went to the car, guess what? 16 came. I wonder what that was all about? Did 16 want to be begged to go? Did 16 think our outing would be ruined because of 16's non participation? 16 wants a driver's license. I want 16 to have a driver's license. My intuition tells me 16 must earn this privilege by having a good relationship with 16's family. Everyone must be allowed to experience the full consequences of their preferred behavior. Non communication with anyone will result in a broken relationship full of hurt and mistrust. If you want to be trusted you must learn to comminicate.

Honor and Respect

Here's my biggest dilemma today. Should I take 16 (what I'll call my 16 year old child) to the mall or not. Yesterday wasn't 16's best day. It wasn't the worst, but it had more conflict that I prefer. Conflict over poor behavior I can handle, but this conflict was basically over the fact that 16 doesn't like to talk to me and doesn't want me to talk to 16. That hurt. ..OK. I can do that. Not talk. Here's the deal, though. If 16 doesn't want a casual, communicative relationship with me, doesn't that inhibit the "taking to the mall " relationship, also? I think so. After all, what I want is a relationship that is good all the time. I simply should not be used when needed. This is a time for learning how to develop and have a desirable relationship between us.

My goal today: Not be yanked around by 16's mood swings and manipulations AND not to yank her around with my emotional manipulations. I want to learn from this and to teach 16 from this that everyone is due honor and respect. How we treat others reflects more about us than those we are mistreating.

The Onset

Today seems like a good day to begin recording a few thoughts I am having. Maybe others are experiencing the same events and emotions and then you will know that you are not alone! I am simply a mom of four who desperately wants her children to grow into adults who have an eternal perspective. Seeing this result has been a lot harder than I had initally expected. I am in the middle of this project at the moment, a little discouraged, but determined to see it faithfully to the end.

Ages of the children: 22,21,16,14. With two adult children, of whom I am extremely proud, comes it's own challenge of continuing my desire for a life built on sound principles. They are now independent, responsible, and engaging in building their own families. My role has changed as an overt contributer to their personal growth, however, I am still completely emotionally involved.

Today, it is my 16 year old who offers me the biggest challenge. I expect these blogs, for a while, will contain more material about this relationship than with anything else. I have questions about how to relate to this teen, but, I also have answers. My problem is not knowing the answers, it is in doing it!

Stay tuned....