Somehow, I find myself again, having committed to a task that is much larger than I. My inadequacy astounds me and I wonder aloud to myself, "How could I possibly think that I have anything to offer a class that seeks to know God's Word, hence, God Himself better?" "Leader? Teacher? Me? Absolutely Not!"
In the past few weeks I have amassed a rather long list of reasons why I should not carry through with this commitment. Each item, in and of itself, is grounds enough to gracefully bow out. The weightiest is that I am just an ordinary woman. Ordinary in the sense that I have no impressive credentials. I am not immune to the difficulties that life throws at us. I must work at my marriage, just like you. My children disappoint me, I struggle with rocky relationships, I have to work like a dog to be a good steward of the things and money God has entrusted to me. I long to trust God, yet desire to be in complete control. Simply put, I fail.
As I record this list of reasons why I should not lead, my heart resounds with the memories of God's Boundless Faithfulness in each of those episodes of my life. He restored passion to my marriage and we have celebrated 26 years together. My children make mistakes (big ones) but their contrite response to God's conviction redeems the time they spent separated from God. In fact, My Merciful Father reminds me that their sin is against Him, not me. God has ministered to me in every, and I mean all, situations. Some were consequences of my own sin, some I have no idea why I needed to experience those tortuous hours.
So, having been reminded once again of God's Unfailing Perfection, I remember why I have made the commitment to lead. I want to give testimony to God. It is not about me. It is about Him.
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