What Now?

It's been over a week since "the event"(Let Me Be Brief) and I have had plenty of time to process my thoughts and emotions. Wow, what an array of attitudes have crossed my mind! I have gone from extreme anger (and I mean extreme), to pity(for myself, of course), to just a complete loss of knowing what to do next.

Husband and I want what is best for 18 and for the family as a whole. She should experience some acute consequences. I believe they should be natural consequences, not neccesarily conjured up by me. Do you know what I mean? For instance, in the present, she is having to be driven everywhere from school to work to the movies. Wherever she goes she must be taken, like a pre-teen. No one wants to allow her to drive their car yet. In the near future the consequences are less about convenience and pride and more about finances. She will be required to buy or replace her car and carry comprehensive insurance. It will be quite a burden for her. An onus we deliberately worked hard for her not to carry while she was in college.

Therein lies the root of my self pity. We planned and saved and paid off cars in order to give them to our children so they would have a smaller insurance bill and no car payments. They have only been required to pay for their gas and incidentals, and now, that opportunity has been shattered by recklessness. That is what really tests me!

Don't you know that is how God feels about me? God sacrificed for my redemption and freedom and I continually live inattentively and ruin my chance at life without harsh consequences. What is wrong with me!?! He continues to give me chance after chance and I wreck it.

The questions I have about what is right parenting in this situation will be answered by how God parents me. Since I have continuously disappointed Him, yea, even made Him angry with my carelessness in regard to the details in my life, I will do the same with 18. She will have consequences, she will be forgiven, she will be loved. No grudges, no bitterness.