I'm Only Human

Yes, once again I have been reminded of my human frailties. Once more I have seen the stark reality that my very existence is held in the hands of a Sovereign God. I can make a valiant effort and try to deceive myself and ignore this fact on most days, but, every now and then God takes pity on me and reminds me that He is undeniably in command of every moment of my survival. I could not will the illness away, as much as I tried, it continued until my infirmed body could take no more and needed what I could not do alone, iv fluids from the er.

When faced with insurmountable and overwhelming events in life most people ask the question "Why me?" or "How can God allow this bad stuff to happen to me?". But, I discover that the more profound question I find in my soul that I need answered is, "Why have You excused me from being sick every day?", or "Why have You chosen to give me anything good when I give You so little?"

I was very ill this weekend and was unable to care for myself, even my most fundamental needs. Husband stepped into the role as nurse and was amazing. He washed me, carried me, nursed me, steadied me. Even in my wretched filthiness he loved and me cared for me. I am astonished at his actions of affections for me.

What a picture!! It is the very depiction of how Jesus takes us in our filthy state of sinfulness while we cannot clean ourselves and washes us clean with His own Goodness and Love. He then carries me, nurses me, steadies me and then walks with me for eternity. I have no words to express my graditude for this undeserved healing, therefore, I must communicate my indebtedness by my actions. Also, I want to tell everyone who is still sick who can heal them! Jesus can!! Jesus will!! Every breath we have is another moment to realize the truth about a Redeemer who heals for eternity. Thank you, Jesus, for Your Loving Care.

Awake To Righteousness

I didn't even know that I was dozing! I read that verse and I knew exactly what I should do. Wake up to what is excellent!! Pay attention to what I am doing and how it affects others!! Quit being apathetic to what is best for me and all those around me. That would include husband, children, friends, and even those who simply see me responding to this world.

In every situation there is a wrong, not so wrong, and best response. I think that most times I apathetically choose what is "not so wrong". That surely couldn't hurt anything, could it? Well, I guess I might have to argue with myself at this point. Yes, apathy hurts, and ultimately numbs us to making any good (and by good I mean absence of evil, pure) decisions. I desire, yes and even expect, my children to make the very best choices each day in every situation they face. Why do I settle for less in myself? It only leads to experiencing a mediocre life, and that is not good enough! I simply must "Awake to Righteousness" and then I can expect an extraordinary existence.

Lord, open my eyes to what is righteous. Wake me, rouse me, stir me to Your excellent way.

Miracles Still Happen

Have you ever seen a real live miracle? I mean right before your very eyes. Did you try to explain it away? How did you respond?

Well, I will tell you that today, I saw a miracle. One of my good friends has a really dangerous bacterial infection and is fighting it with "Big Gun" drugs. Today she did not feel well when I saw her this morning. In fact, it appeared the enemy (illness) was going to have it's way with her today. Not in my house! Or, I should say, not in my Father's house! Six of us gathered around her and touched her with our hands so that she could feel our hearts and souls as we pleaded with our Heavenly Father to protect her physical body today. Do you know that He immediately answered our prayer. The seven of us went on to eat, talk, play, and share our day together and, as usual, she was in the middle of the mix, and she was great company.

I admit several of us tried to excuse the result of our prayers. We said "maybe the cold, dry weather this morning simply caused her to have a raspy, dry throat and cough. Maybe she really didn't feel as bad as she (or we) thought." No, that is not the case. Must I remind myself that we should not doubt the power of a prayer. She did have a terrible cough (I heard it myself). She did gasp for breath as she walked from room to room (she is usually a physically fit woman). She does have an infection that is dangerous to all those who are attacked by it. GOD DID ANSWER OUR PRAYER FOR HER PROTECTION TODAY!!

Thank you, Father, for your answer to our need. Let me close my physical eyes in order to see you work in our spiritual lives. Thank You that You work in our physical world as evidence of Your remarkable power. I do trust You. I do love You. Amen.

Sunday Lunches

I treasure Sunday lunches at our house. The very words "Sunday lunch" have such special meaning to me. That simple phrase means that we greeted one another after worshipping our Savior , filled our plates with our favorite food, sat around a grand table with beloved people, and talked about subjects that are dear to our hearts.

Yesterday was such a day. Several things make yesterday exceptionally wonderful. First, we were celebrating my son's birthday. He is 24 and an outstanding son, friend, husband, and father. I couldn't be prouder. Second, we were celebrating 24 moving his family back to our city. They have been "in the wilderness" for fifteen months and having them close again in proximity is a joy. Next, my 88 year old grandmother was here to watch my grandchildren play, cry, and generally steal the show. Five generations! That is a rarity and oh, so extraordinary. We hold every moment with her captive knowing our time with her is short .

Now that I think of it we really didn't talk about important subjects or conquer significant social issues. Basically, we just shared time with one another. That, oh so, fleeting commodity of time. So, I guess it really isn't the "Sunday lunches" that are extraordinary, it is really the people that come together and commit that brief, passing, never to be had again moment in time with me that causes me to relish the memories we have around that table.

Oh, LORD God, let me never forget to savor each moment You give me with others. Let me never waste time consumed with useless matters or emotions. Let me speak Truth to them and love them with Your kind of love.

State Mandated HPV Vaccines

Here we go again! Unfortunately, the secular world is seeing the necessity to meet a physical need caused by a spiritual liability. Our shortcomings as salt and light to our world become painfully clear as the consequences of sin develop greater tribulations for the children (and yes, the adults, too) of our world. We are at this crossroad because we chose to be apathetic about purity (on a grand scale) in our own lives as well as the lives of our children in the past. Regrettably, if we as Christians, fight against the state mandated "solution" to this STD, we appear as uncaring and stoic. However, if we support the vaccine, we seem to acquiesce to the status quo of promiscuity. What is the solution on a Christian level?

1. Make sure we, as individuals, are living every moment what we say we believe. Our own children will then know and see Truth for themselves and have a better chance of experiencing life without the devasting consequences of sin.

2. Opt out of the vaccine, but only if you choose to educate your children on the spiritual level about the choices which have led to these physical consequences. This is a lifetime commitment, not a one time conversation.

3. Heed the call to affect others in this matter (only you know to what level of ministry God has called you).

This is absolutely not the complete answer to this crisis. However, until we as Christians decide what we believe how will we ever be able to stand up for anything? I am convinced that most of us do not really know what the Bible has to say about the practicality of living day to day. The only way it will ever be written on our hearts is when we ask God to allow us to hear Him. He is always speaking, will I listen?

The Blessings

I met with a group of women today and we thought about the blessings that we have been given. As we began to list them it was quite obvious that our blessings are relationships we have or maybe even the second chances we have at those relationships. No one listed their house, car, groceries, or anything that would be considered an asset by society's standard. Boy, what an eye opener!

How many of us make our goal each day to gather as much stuff as possible? We know that our relationships are important and even tell ourselves that we are amassing things for the ones we love, but, OUR LOVED ONES WANT US NOT OUR STUFF!

We must stay focused on our relationships. At the end of the day what will really matter to each of us are our relationships. Period.

Here is the question of the day: Have I done all I can to be the best mom, wife, friend, daughter, (you fill in the blank) possible?

The Neverending Story

I find it quite interesting that even after 24 years of marriage Husband and I must still make a concerted effort to communicate. How can it be that conversation can be so illusive? You would think that after sharing our lives together and that of our children for so many years that talking about each day's events and how we feel would be a natural part of our day. But, NOOOO!!!! We must, each day, consciously set aside time to do that very thing, share our souls. What I have found over the last few days is that we are not the only couple that struggles in this area. In fact, there are several couples who have been married for fifteen years or more, that have the same challenge, communication. Well, twelve of us women who desire more than mediocre marriages, have joined forces and over the next six months, will read, discuss, and encourage one another about communication in our marriages.

Personally, I am really excited about this development among my friends. Some who will be in the group are simply acquaintances who need a support group to hold them accountable to trying to have a better marriage. Could this be an underground movement to reinforce family life in our community? Could having better marriages actually make a difference in our neighborhoods? Oh, yes, and even more. When we model healthy marriages that are built on good communication our children and even the kids that simply visit our homes will follow our examples and, yes, even desire strong, sound relationships themselves.

There you go! Two fabulous reasons for putting forth some effort to have good communication with Husband. #1 It's more fun for me to like Husband than to have quiet discord. #2 Everyone around me has more fun (even if they don't know that it is communication that makes life better).

My commitment: Concentrated time (20 minutes or more) to share myself with Husband.

Traveling with Women

I admit it, I stole the title. Our "official" journalist for the trip is going to use this title for our trip journal and it was just too good for me not use. Traveling with women is an event no woman should miss. We went to shop at an annual flea market in Virginia, but, what occured was much more than shopping. We laughed until our sides ached, we cried in reverent pain with each other, we shared our very souls with one other, and trusted that it would be held in high esteem and honored. What I expected was what I was given. A relationship with each woman that will always be special.

These friendships will always be extraordinary because we devoted four days to building this connection. We will always have the memories of a shared view of the Milky Way, a walk through a covered bridge, the thought of "kicking up diamonds", and a hug from Aunt and Uncle at the Old Cox Barn.

We have one thing in common that unifies us from which our bond is founded and it cannot be forged...Christ. He forgave us, saved us, and is the process of transforming us and that is the journey that we share and of which we shall never tire, the magnificent renovating power we see in each other as Christ reveals Himself in our lives. AMEN!!

Walking

I walk for exercise with my sister in law. Our schedule was 4 miles every Monday through Thursday. We have just changed that schedule to 5 miles Mondays and Wednesdays and 2 miles on Fridays. We are devoted to being there, on time, ready to go. If she wasn't there I wouldn't go. Even though I love the effect the exercise has, leaner legs, higher metabolism, and an overall sense of health, I am there for the relationship we have. I love our talks. Some days we talk very little, and even that is comfortable. Some days we don't have enough time to share all that has built up from the day before. I think what makes it so good is that we are very similar. We have comparable goals and similar interests. We rejoice in one another's successes and cry with each other in pain and hardship. Her fun is my fun, even if we aren't together. I desire her very best, with or without me. I know that is true for her, too. That is what makes a good friendship. Not what we do together, but that our joy is for the other to succeed at whatever God has given them to do.

Thank you, sister, for being faithful, not just to walk with me but by being a good friend. (5 miles wasn't so hard!)

Silence is Golden

Silence. It's been a while since I have posted anything. I think there may be a couple of reasons for the silence.

First, sometimes I talk too much. So, in response to too much chatter, it is good for me to go on a fast of words, even to myself, which is essentially what this blog is, an exercise in personal expression.

Second, I really needed the time to take a break and not take myself too seriously. Could I really offer any insight that might shed light on this world? I have such a limited view of the events that surround me. "Lightbulb"!! Things that I experience and every little occurance in my world are not necessarily about me!

Silence is Golden? Another way to say it is, "experiencing life to the fullest with open ears and a teachable heart is worth a fortune!" Give me less of me and more of the valuable stuff, wisdom (ie Christ).

Unity

Unity. Merriam Webster defines unity as "continuity without deviation or change (as in purpose or action)". I propose that most of us characterize unity as an exercise in self control. These I fear, are two completely separate and incompatable definitions.

The selfish definition that I have suggested is the simpler of the two for a limited time. Self control, simply for the sake of restraint, will soon give way to broader emotions of desire to manage our circumstances. When these emotions are bared, there is anything but "continuity without deviation". As these passions for power are unleashed, what becomes evident is that what we wish we would have done was to opt for the more difficult task in discussing, with others and within ourselves, that which we were choosing to be unified. Simply stated, the group must put forth a vision and each individual must decide whether they can put aside selfish ambition to function in the group. Only then is there one purpose for which to live. Easier said than done.

Webster's explanation of unity requires self examination and exorcism of anything within ourselves that is contrary to the final goal or purpose to which a group has committed itself. Obviously, self control becomes a part of this process, but, is only beneficial when we have loyalty to the objective put forth among the members.

I have chosen to be a part of a group of devoted people who think they have a common goal, glorifying our Heavenly Father. I believe that truly is the desire of our group, however, sometimes we appear to be sidetracked. Let us consider what best exemplifies our purpose, decide whether or not that is what we believe, then act in that manner. Enough said.

What am I doing?

O.K., I know I have probably shared this before, but some days I cannot decide what my purpose is here. I have a very full life, ministry at my local church (to kids and women), a real estate job, caring for my husband and children, taking care of our household (I don't have a housekeeper), maintaining friendships, excersising 4 days a week (at 46 you have to or everything goes south!), and trying to remain flexible so that when things pop up I am available. I enjoy each of these segments of my life immensly. However, it does get tedious when it appears that my efforts are discouraged by others, or that I am having no tangible effect. The area in which I am discouraged today, and realistically for at least the past year, is in ministry.

When I accepted the position at our church to head up the women's and children's ministries it was because there was need and I felt a calling. After almost 3 years I am grateful for the challenge, the character it has built in me, and the memories, but, I see no change in the ministries in general, nor the people. I cannot call myself a failure because I feel I did my best and was faithful to do what I was called to do. But, maybe it is time for someone else to affect change in these areas. I cannot let my pride keep me in a position in which I should not continue. Maybe my ministry is something different than administration, maybe I should jump off into a new arena where I will really be stretched.

Timing is everything. Is now the time? Maybe.

Changes

Why is it that change is so difficult? Shouldn't it be exciting and fun? What makes so many people stuck in their ways? Personally, I love change. Probably, some might say, waaay to much. I look forward to the adventure and thrill of something new. It could be as simple as painting a room that brings me pleasure. Or even just moving the furniture around the house. The change that is soon to come will be huge, and I relish the thought. Our local church is about to explode with spiritual as well as numerical growth and it will be wonderful. With pleasure, I anticipate learning from new people, stretching in my worship experience, knowing more of God.

OK you people who are thinking of digging in your heels and resisting change, let me encourage you with a few simple words. No one is ever stagnate in their relationship with the LORD. You already ARE changing daily. You must simply choose whether to move forward or be dragged away by the tide of comfortable complacency.

I choose forward change. YIPPEE!!!

Words and Freedom

This past weekend we celebrated our liberty. As I contemplate this notion of liberty I find that it is quite an enigma. What I encountered this weekend, within myself, caused me to be perplexed as I considered the freedoms I enjoy.

I am free to work at any occupation at which I choose to be trained. I am free to serve any god, the Living God, or man made. I am free speak my mind and expound upon any subject I should choose, even if it is injurious in nature. That is where I cannot continue in my thoughts. You see, I found myself imprisoned by my own words this weekend. I freely used my words to express annoyance. Then, as I felt so free to announce my frustration in one area, I took the liberty to continue to articulate further my impatience with others as they failed to meet my expectations. My free use of words resulted in a sense of misery as I continued to talk too much about subjects that were none of my business.

Why, oh why, can I not exclusively use my words to encourage. Even if correction is necessary, the words used in that pursuit can be and should be encouraging and instill hope for a future, rather than discouraging words that inject disdain and discord.

Today I will measure my words, consider the cost, then I will endeavor to speak freely about hope to a world that desperately needs it.

Kidnapped!

How wonderful to have friends that know you well enough to sense what you really need. I desperately needed to be kidnapped, and they delivered. Don't get me wrong, I have an idyllic life, but I needed to be special in someone's eyes on this very weekend. What really made it extraordinary was that the kidnappers were exactly the people I would choose to spend a weekend with (besides Husband)! Everything we did from talking to laughing, crying (which is exactly what I did when they showed up at my door) to eating made this an occasion I will always remember. Even Husband knew that a few days away would do me well.

Thank you Sister.
Thank you Friends.
Thank you Husband.

I love you.

Garage Sales

One of my favorite things to do is to shop at garage sales and flea markets. I don't know why. All I know is that when I find something I like and the price is outrageously low I feel as if I have discovered a treasure. I don't even mind if I must clean it up a little. Somehow, the search is as much fun as the discovery. I really enjoy taking something old, refurbishing it, and using it in my home as something new. Giving it new life, if you will.

This past weekend Sister and I had a garage sale. We rooted out from our homes all our unwanted clothes, dishes, lamps, and, in general, junk. We sold it as fast as we could put it out. Most items were 50 cents. Sometimes if it was really valuable we priced it at $1. We didn't worry about how much money we were going to make, we just wanted it gone. And go it did. AND we still made more money than we expected. How does all that stuff add up to that much money? Well, I guess we had a great deal of junk in our homes.

What do garage sales say about me and our society? Well, in general, we simply have too much. If Sister and I had so many50 cent items that added up to several hundred dollars, well, that is just too much stuff. I could still go through my home and have another garage sale with items that are rarely used, but I didn't want to part with "just yet". But, on the other hand, many of my items are those I have purchased at garage sales, flea markets, or are hand me downs. Recycling is good. I guess the only thing that might make having this much stuff wrong would be holding my "things" in higher esteem than the people around me. I would gladly give up anything I have for anyone. Maybe, I'll have another garage sale next week.

Vacation, the Bible, and School

Vacations! Ahh, they are the ultimate in taking a break for me. The very reason I don't like to camp. If I am going on vacation I want a break from normal life. Cooking, cleaning, getting up early, laundry. I love vacations. The most memorable vacations we have had were not necessarily the most exotic, but we were together with people we loved and spent a great deal of time experiencing out of the ordinary things. The first vacations I am reminded of are Maine (every day's plan backfired, even whale watching in prime whale watching season), and a 2 week road trip to the north east with a 2 and 3 year old (yes, we were potty training at the time).

The Bible!! My favorite literature. Profound Truth and the mystery of the universe simply waiting to be unveiled to the hungry reader. I am hungry, I do believe, I am changed every time I read it with a heart ready to listen.

School. Hmm. School is somewhat of an enigma for me now and even as a child. I have always looked forward to it, tire of the rigor of work, yet love the result of studying a subject and learning from a good teacher.

Why put these three things together? Because together, these three things, can change the lives of the children in our neighborhoods, for eternity. Special, intense time doing special things about the Bible with people who teach what they know about God, the Redeemer. Wow! I am glad I am a part of Vacation Bible School this week.

Summer Days

Summer is here. The kids have been to camp for a week, which means that Husband and I were alone at home for a full 6 days. How weird was that!! Husband still went to work that week, but when he came home in the evenings we were free to eat when and what we desired. We watched anything we chose without interruption. We had complete conversations without anyone barging in. We actually did nothing exceptional that week, we simply enjoyed ordinary life without children.

Oh, did I mention that we had 22 and 21 and their spouses over for dinner one evening? Did I tell you that we spoke on the phone to 16 and 14 on a couple of different occasions about their days at camp? Did I remember to say that 21 and I spent an entire day visiting relatives and shopping? Did I state that I spent many hours while husband was at work painting, sewing, and redecorating 16 and 14's rooms? So actually, our whole week was spent without them physically, but, our lives still revolve around the children.

I think that when they are all moved out of this home in which they have been raised, Husband and I will definitely have more time to pursue our own interests. However, our lives will always revolve around our children and our children's children. We will respond at a moments notice when they need us or just simply want us. We want to be intimately involved in our children's lives so as to leave them a part of us. You know, a heritage.

For me that is what makes life worth living: relationships. Relationships with those that know me inside and out.

An Anniversary

24 years. 24 years. 24 years. That is a long time, but, then again, only a moment seems to have passed. We have been married 24 years. One short of "silver". Husband is travelling again this week, so in preparation of the big day on Monday, I thought I would do some research and plan something special for us to experience in celebration of a 24 year marriage. The number itself reminds me of the passing of one day, 24 hours, so, I think I will capitalize on that notion. Maybe I'll prepare a heartfelt poem for husband to read each of the 24 hours of the day. Each will represent each year of our marriage and remind him of our married history. Or, how about 24 notes he will find that has an intimate thought or question we could discuss each of the hours of our "special" day. We will just talk and talk and talk and talk. Maybe I should carefully place 24 pictures throughout the house so he will find each of them as he progresses through his day and it will cause him to be sentimental, and then we can talk about those memories of which our years together consist. Or we could do 24 little tasks together around the house and then our abode would really be snazzy.

How about I hug him, tell him I'm glad we are still together, physically and emotionally, and simply enjoy an ordinary day with an extraordinary man.

The Wedding Day

It's midnight on the morning of 21's wedding. We have had a successful day of taking care of the details that make a wedding. I've packed the car with candles, candy, flowers, and chandeliers at home. I've unpacked the car of candles, candy, flowers, and chandeliers at the church. We rehearsed, we ate, we laughed, we talked. We are ready.

Later we will be coifed, dressed, made up, and photographed. Then 21 will walk down the aisle on her father's arm. What a picture. 21 will be in white, husband in black tie. 16, and 14 will be gorgeous in satin evening gowns. I will be dazzled. 21's husband-to-be will be waiting to take her to a home he has prepared to protect and love her for eternity.

I love the wedding ceremony. It is intended to remind us of another bride, husband, and father. The bride in white: the church, holy and blameless. The husband: Christ, loving protector of the church, preparing a home for His bride. The Father: God, who made a way for Christ and the church to be intimate with one another.

I can't wait for Christ to come back and take me home! Are you ready for The Wedding?